Stupid Chicken!
by Diapers
Summary: What happens when the Kaiser wakes up on the wrong side of his bed? Zane Torture with guest appearance by Aster and..three bullfrogs? Complete crap and stupidity. Dedicated to WhiteLadyDragon. Thanks for the ideas, Dra! Read at your own risk.


My first ever crackfic, and it's about Zane! I'm sorry if it sucks 'cause I can't seem to write anything funny, damnit! Anyway I wanna thank my dear WhiteLadyDragon, the queen of crackfics for the wonderful ideas and stuff! This is for you, Dra! To others, Read Review and hopefully enjoy! Diapers loves all :D

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It was a lovely Sunday morning, the golden sun shone high up in the sky, the birds were chirping merrily through dew-drop covered trees and people were waking up to this wonderful day, except for one, of course -

"Rrrrrring! Rrrrrring! RRRRRRRING!"

Zane Truesdale rubbed his eyes sleepily, not in the least bit keen on getting his butt of out of the bed anytime soon. He let out a giant yawn and shut the alarm clock up. But it wouldn't stop ringing, that freaking thing! It just ranted on and on.

"Rrrrring! Rrrring! RRRRRRRRING! RRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!"

Repeated attempts to turn it off had failed miserably. He was getting pissed by the minute.

"Rrrrring! Rrrrring! RRRRRRRRRRRRRING!"

In the midst if his sleepyheaded-ness he managed to grab hold of the alarm clock and toss it out of his window. With a sigh of relief he went back to his sleep, but a few seconds later -

"RRRRRRING!"

Oh, the dismay! The goddamn thing had returned back to his room. He screamed and tossed it out once again, but several moments later -

"RRRINGGGG! RRRINGGG!"

Argh, he knew he shouldn't have bought the Boomerang-shaped alarm clock. A disaster was bound to happen sooner or later. He realised he should have gotten the Frisbee-shaped one, but now, it was too late for regrets..he simply threw the clock out, as far as he could, and it would never even return again. Or so he thought. "Good riddance," he muttered under his breath. But the next moment -

He didn't have to hear it. The sight of the Boomerang-shaped thing returning to his room made him shiver and sent a chill down his spine..he opened his mouth to scream, but the scream never came out. Instead the alarm clock made an aim for his throat and lunged down, right into his stomach. Zane flinched - he had just swallowed a goddamn alarm clock! Then he hiccuped from the shock, and -

"RRRRRINGGG!"

It was that horrible ringing noise again! The most terrifying sound he had ever heard! He hiccuped again, and the hiccups didn't stop, and everytime he hiccuped -

"RRRINGGGG!"

Fortunately, after holding his breath for about 30 seconds or so, the hiccups stopped. But the madness didn't, there was still a LOT more to come. He stretched his body a little, but ended up falling off the other side of his bed, causing him to land in the pile of dirty underwear and socks Atticus had left behind just last night! And he was still freaking tired from the wild night he had yesterday with his best friend - oops what did I just leak out? (Hint hint!)

He stunk like a bomb, and figured he needed a shower sooner or later anyway. Making his way into the bathroom, he stripped and turned the shower on, but nothing came out! He examined the showerhead, only to be greeted with a mess of brown hair gunk! (Thanks, Atty!) And he was too darn lazy to unclog it, so he would have to spend the day being smelly and disgusting and covered with dirt. But it beats unclogging that goddamn mess, to him of course.

Then he got dressed quickly and stepped out of his house, but before he even walked 50 metres it started to drizzle. Being the nonchalant Kaiser, he didn't care and concluded it would stop in a few seconds, but it didn't and instead it was getting heavier by the minute! He cringed and finally decided to go back and get an umbrella for Heaven's sake. But the moment he got the umbrella and stepped out of his house, the rain stopped and it was bright and shining again! _Ugh._ Damn it, this was a bad day. He walked back quickly, unlocked the door and tossed the umbrella into his house and continued walking at an even faster pace. But a few steps later, pitter-patter could be heard again.

"ARGH!"

Zane was goddamn pissed with the goddamn weather and he couldn't be bothered to walk all the way back to get the freaking umbrella. Yes he would rather be a soaked chicken than be a tired chicken, but everyone on the street looked at him like he was a **stupid** **chicken**. Argh, he couldn't care anymore. Swallowing his pride, he made his way down the lane with his gaze on the floor the whole time. He thought his day couldn't get any worse, but it could, and it sure did.

Three crows flying directly above his head. _Oh damn, go away you freaks, I hate anything winged. Go away! Stop making merry over the Kaiser's head. You lowly and pathetic creatures have no right to do so - eeeeeeeeeeek!_ Bloooooop.

White, droopy liquid trickled down the side of his face, with an occasional few passerbys stopping in their tracks to mock at him. _Shooooo you morons, what's there to look at? Never seen the Kaiser have a bad day before? Better run along before I gouge out all of your teeny eyeballs!_ He winced in disgust. _Those winged freaks..I'll-I'll make them pay for this..the nerve of them to bloop on the mighty Kaiser's head..how dare they!_ He reached his hand into his coat pocket to retrieve a tissue to clear the freaking mess, but before he could do so -

- Three HUGE bullfrogs leaped out of his giant coat pocket, croaking - making this horrible noise - horrible level equivalent to that of the Boomerang alarm clock - he screamed.

Yes, the Kaiser screamed, he was acting all like a little girl. He suddenly recalled the time during second grade when Atticus put a bullfrog in his pocket and made him run around the room like a crazy cat on hot bricks. If there's even anything the Kaiser's really afraid of, it's gotta be bullfrogs..those pesky little slimy creatures could scare the life out of him anytime.

He covered his ears and sprinted down the street frantically, practically running for his life. He knew if those things came an inch closer to him, his life was over. His face was twisted with fear and panic as he continued running down the street with everyone staring and gawking at him, stupid chicken. He ran and ran and ran like there was no tomorrow without even looking ahead of him - yes he would rather crash into a pole and die right now rather than having to entertain the phobia of those disgusting, lowly creatures. No, he didn't crash into a pole but he lunged straight into -

Aster Phoenix.

Everything was in slow motion - Aster was carrying a grey umbrella, walking like normal when Zane very unexpectedly crashed blindly into him, causing the former to lose his footing and fall to the floor, the umbrella flying a few metres away, the older man to land on top of the younger lad and involuntarily plant a not-so-sweet kiss on his lips.

It took a few seconds for the both of them to register what had just happened. _Oh, my, god, what did I just do???_ _I kissed that prick - no way!_

"Eeeeeewwwwwww!" Aster grunted in complete disgust, wiping his mouth with the back of his palm, before picking himself up and returning to his usual calm, composed manner. "Next time, grow a pair of eyes, loser, and here's a few words of advice from a pro: Don't leave gunk lying on your forehead, or you'll be a laughing stock."

Zane was speechless, he just sat in the middle of the street, completely drenched, yucky white gunk on his head and forehead, looking like a completely stupid chicken.

Well, even the Kaiser wakes up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes, right?

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Done, yay! Partial credits to WLD once again. Hoped you guys liked it XD

Diapers


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